Hey, found this little fucker under the couch cushions pulling my underwear up from behind:



Anyone know who this might belong to?!

Average Depth of a Vagina: between 3 to 6 inches.

 

 

Largest Vagina: the female blue whale with a normal length of 6 to 8 feet.

Largest Human Vagina: belonged to a woman who was 7'8" tall.

Smallest Vagina: 2 or 3 centimeters - surgery is required for correction.

 

 

Longest Clitoris: recorded at 4 inches long and 1 inch diameter.

Longest Labia Minora: some African tribes enlarge their labia to 7 inches in length.

 

 

Largest Buttocks: Hottentot tribe have buttocks that each can be two or three feet.

 

 

Largest Breasts: 44-pounds breasts measuring 33 inches in circumference.

 

 

Most Breasts: In 1886 a french woman was recorded with ten individual breasts.

 

 

Most Orgasms: 134 in one hour for a woman - 16 for a man.

Longest Recorded Orgasm: 43-seconds with 25 consecutive contractions.

Painkiller: A female orgasm is a powerful painkiller (because of the release of endorphins), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex.

 

 

Longest Recorded Pubic Hair: 28" (71.12 cm) long.

 

 

Cleanliness Fact:  the vagina and the eye are self-cleaning organs.

 

 

More Reasons To Own A Vibrator: Having an orgasm relieves menstrual cramps because the vigorous muscle action moves blood and other fluids away from congested organs.

 

 

Favorite Artificial Device: according to the Hite Report, candles are the artificial device used most frequently by women when masturbating.

This was a bit of a struggle, because there are so many others that I could have put on here....but this is what I ended up with....for now:

Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace, 1997

1,079 pages of pure genius. Thouroughly engrossing, hillarious, and unforgettable.

"The next step in fiction....Edgy, accurate, and darkly witty....Think Beckett, think Pynchon, think Gaddis. Think." -- Atlantic Monthly

 

Ballad of the Whiskey Robber: A True Story of Bank Heists, Ice Hockey, Transylvanian Pelt Smuggling, Moonlighting Detectives, and Broken Hearts, Julian Rubinstein, 2004

Just plain great and funnier than shit...and true! My most recent favorite.

 

The Stand, Stephen King, 1978

An amazing epic with King's unique ability to combine fantastic storytelling, richly detailed true-to-life characters, and good vs evil at it's very best. This is one long book that I wished would never end.

 

 

A Confederacy of Dunces, John Kennedy Toole, 1987

So good and funny with an amazing story of its own. The author killed himself depressed over not being able to get published. His mother finally got it published 10 years after his death. It went on to win the Pulitzer Prize.

"The hero of John Kennedy Toole's incomparable comic classic is one Ignatius J. Reilly, huge, obese, fractious, fastidious, a latter-day Gargantua, a Don Quixote of the French Quarter. His story bursts with wholly original characters, denizens of New Orleans' lower depths, incredible true-to-life dialogue, and the zaniest series of high and low comic adventures." -- Chicago Sun-Times

 

Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand, 1957

An absorbing story based around Ayn's fascinating philosophy of "Objectivism".

"The astounding story of a man that said that he would stop the motor of the world—and did. Tremendous in scope, breathtaking in its suspense, Atlas Shrugged is unlike any other book you have ever read."

 

The Shining, Stephen King, 1977

I know, 2 Stephen King books on this short list...but this was the best ever book that came to life in a movie for me. Both were so good and the movie did the book justice while still keeping both entirely fabulous on their own.

 

The Hobbit, J.R.R. Tolkien, 1966

The beginning of all fantasy stories for me...and nothing has ever been better!

 

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, C.S. Lewis, 1950

The first book in the Narnia series, I got totally engrossed in this as a kid....many dreams and fantasies from this. Gave me that tingly feeling.

 

Assorted Sherlock Holmes stories, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, 1887-1914

Oh how much fun these were when I was young(er)! I can still recall the excitement of starting a new Sherlock Holmes story.

Here is a review on Barnesandnoble.com from someone who seems to have just discovered Sherlock Holmes recently...(gotta love this):

"You must read this book - This must be one of the best books I have ever read in all my life. Sherlock is unbeliveable in the way that he solves his cases. He is like a more adult version of Scooby Doo."

This appeared in Time Magazine right after Mel Gibson's arrest and now famous drunken remarks.

Maybe We Should Just Make Mel Happy

By JOEL STEIN
From the Aug. 14, 2006 issue of TIME magazine

Most times, when someone spouts off about how awful the Jews are, I blow it off as ignorance. If the guy just got to know us, he would totally dig us. We're funny and warm and smart and totally self-effacing. We send Ben Stiller to Iran for a few weeks, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will be opening up Noah's bagel shops in all the strip malls in Tehran. The only problem is that with just 0.02% of the world's population, we can't do nearly as many personal appearances as we'd like. That's why we took over the media.

But Mel Gibson knows us--personally. He's been in Hollywood for more than 20 years, virtually surrounded by Jews. If Mel doesn't like us, maybe it's finally time to stop blaming everyone else for the bigotry and scapegoating and start to look at ourselves. As the saying goes, If people hate you for 1,000 years, you can blame them; if you're persecuted for 2,000 years, maybe you're unlucky; but if they still want to kill you after 3,000 years, you have to ask yourself if you're doing something wrong.

So we Jews are going to have to make some slight adjustments to get on the world's good side. No more smiting our enslavers with locusts or refusing to convert during Inquisitions or giving ourselves Oscars for Holocaust documentaries. We've got to up our likability, get on people's good sides.

The first thing we have to do is drop the Chosen People™ marketing bit. It's not working. Not only is it not scaring people off as it was designed to do, but it comes off as sort of arrogant. I'm suggesting we change our official slogan to Just One of the Guys™ or the People Who Believe in Most of Your Bible™ or even the People Who, If History Is a Guide, Are Not Among God's Favorites.™ We'll need to get Karl Rove involved.

You know how a lot of Jewish performers change their names so they don't offend anyone with all that Jewishness? Emmanuel Goldberg changed his name to Edward G. Robinson, and Jonathan Leibowitz threw us all off the trail with Jon Stewart. How about if all the rest of the Jews do that too? I'm considering Joe Crockett. I also like the sound of Johnny Slayer. Plus, coming up with 14 million new names will be a kind of WPA project for all the Jewish writers. Because we have to back off the controlling-the-media thing a tad.

We could do ourselves a lot of good by stopping our whole Protocols of the Elders of Zion plan. It's been more than 100 years since the book has been out, and we have yet to come close to our goal of (I'm using the Iranian translation here) "extracting from the hands of the Lord many stars and galaxies." In fact, we have to yet to extract one single star or galaxy. Let's drop it! One of our methods of controlling the universe, according to the book, was to get people hooked on alcohol. And look how that backfired last week.

Also, we need to stop killing other people's messiahs. O.K., it was actually the Romans who killed Jesus, but we were there. And even if it had been us, you'd think the Catholics would thank us, since otherwise they'd have churches today full of statues of a bald old guy clutching his heart in hospice care, and who's showing up every Sunday for that? But still, it's better if we stay far away from any messiahs. Even if a guy clearly isn't the Messiah but is just saying he is--walk away. There's nothing to gain there.

Until Gibson told his arresting officers that "the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world," I didn't realize that was our thing. If it is, let's drop it. I would have thought that the guy who made Braveheart, The Patriot, Gallipoli and When We Were Soldiers and has directed some of the most violent, angry scenes in cinema would love war. But I guess he doesn't.

And most of all, we have to stop this finger wagging at Gibson. Endeavor agent Ari Emanuel has written that no studio should work with him anymore. Bad call. We don't want to get in a battle here. In a popularity contest between Mel Gibson and Jews, it doesn't look good for the Jews. Better we laugh this off, maybe respond with a gibe at the Australians, like how they make simplistic, overly fruit-forward red wines. Then we all have a chuckle and subtly suggest another dead language for him to teach himself for his next movie. We've got to give that guy as much busywork as possible.